Turn narcissists into allies

For the next 5 minutes, let’s elevate your career.

In today’s newsletter:

• How you can persuade a narcissist

• How you can challenge a narcissist

• Overcome procrastination by distraction

• Know who has your back

• Queen Elizabeth II as career coach

ON YOUR CAREER

How you can persuade a narcissist

What is a narcissist?

The DSM-5 is the manual of mental disorders compiled by the American Psychiatric Association. It identifies people with a narcissistic personality disorder as having ‘a pervasive pattern of grandiosity…need for admiration, and lack of empathy.’ People with clinical narcissism can be very difficult to work with. We don’t want to hire them for our team.

Some of our colleagues may display a strong narcissistic style without having a narcissistic disorder. They may present as entitled, arrogant, and exploitative. They may also be charismatic and charming. Even if someone only has a narcissistic style, they can be very difficult to deal with.

How do we persuade a narcissist?

The best way to persuade somebody with a strong narcissistic style is to identify what’s in it for them. Align their interests with yours. Look for win-wins. Examples: ‘The boss will be very happy if you and I can deliver this project’ or ‘If you help me sign Fiona as a client, I will share 20% of my commission with you.’ This is not pandering to our narcissistic colleagues. It’s enlisting their effort for the greater good. The ability to deal with difficult people is a sign of our social intelligence and a great resource in our career.

COMMUNICATION

How you can challenge a narcissist

We can challenge narcissistic colleagues. Even our manager if they respect us. This is best done in private, with a respectful tone, using clear and proportionate language. Ask them first for permission:

We may find in some situations we are the one’s exhibiting narcissistic behaviours. When is occurs, it’s a gift if a colleague has the courage to challenge us. Deep listening and humility are then our way forward.

Read more about narcissism here.

PRODUCTIVITY

Overcome procrastination by distraction

It’s common wisdom to limit all distractions to overcome procrastination. This often doesn’t work for me. If I’m avoiding a task, the last thing I want is the additional burden of maintaining complete focus. I don’t want monastic silence. Sometimes I’ll play loud music to energize me to initiate writing. And to keep writing at 9.35pm (as I’m doing right now!). Sometimes I’ll have the TV on in the background to keep me company. Overcoming procrastination is about overcoming inertia. Do what you need to do. Eighty per cent productivity is better than zero production.

1 MINUTE TO LOWER STRESS AND INCREASE HAPPINESS

Know who has your back

People who have our back help us be resilient at work and in broader life. Their support lowers our stress; their friendship brings us happiness. These are the people worthy of our reciprocated support.

GET SMARTER

Queen Elizabeth II as career coach

Elizabeth II (1926 — 2022) was Queen of the United Kingdom for 70 years and 214 days. Only King Louis XIV of France reigned longer as a monarch. Elizabeth worked with 15 British Prime Ministers. Labour PM Gordon Brown said of Elizabeth that she had ‘a complete and utter dedication to the country and constitution’ and was a ‘wonderful public servant.’ Conservative PM Theresa May said, ‘Many people don’t realise how much work she put into… understanding the issues of the day.’ And UK Labour PM Tony Blair said she embodied, ‘duty, decency, integrity, and fidelity.’ They and other PMs reflected on Elizabeth’s compassion and good sense of humour. Some of Elizabeth’s wisdom: